


Not All Is Lost

by RMarie124



Series: Fictober 2019 [12]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Somewhere after Equinox but before Endgame, Tuvok gives advice, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 15:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21018191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RMarie124/pseuds/RMarie124
Summary: Tuvok approaches Kathryn about the nature of her and the Commander's relationship. He is concerned for the wellbeing of his friend, and wishes to offer his support and encouragement for her to pursue what would make her the most happy.Fictober Day #12: "What if I don't see it?"





	Not All Is Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is a day late, sorry guys. There was a late night event at my school and I was busy all day beforehand so I didn't have time to get this one finished. You'll be getting today's prompt entry later today as well. 
> 
> I really have been enjoying writing for Tuvok, and I wanted to explore a moment between him and Kathryn that explored the side of him that cares deeply for her. Their friendship was one that I really wish had been explored more in the show.

The chime to Kathryn’s Ready Room sounded. She sighed. She was not in the mood for visitors now, or for the next eternity. It had been the week from Hell, and now that it was finally over she just wanted to curl up and sleep for hours on end. But she was the Captain, and couldn’t slip like that. Not again.

“Come in.” She called. 

Tuvok walked in and came to stand in front of her desk, arms clasped behind his back, face neutral as always. She decided that she could make an exception for an old friend, and her face softened into a small smile. 

“Tuvok, what can I do for you?” She leaned back in her chair. 

“Captain, permission to speak freely.” He requested.

“Granted. What’s on your mind?” Kathryn didn’t bother to hide the nervous feeling that had crept in at his request. She knew it was useless to try and hide her emotions from Tuvok.

“It has come to my attention that you and Commander Chakotay are not functioning together in the same manor you used to. Under normal circumstances I would not pry into your personal relationships, however our circumstances are nowhere near normal. I have noted that overall ship wide productivity has decreased since the decline in you and the Commander’s relationship.” Tuvok paused, then added, “Is there anything going on that I should be aware of?”

“The Commander and I are getting along just fine, Tuvok.” Kathryn snapped. “I don’t see how it could possibly be affecting the crew that much.”

“I disagree, Captain.” He continued despite the look that Kathryn gave him. “You do not consult the Commander in the same capacity that you used to. If you do ask his opinion, it is generally on smaller matters. You also no longer engage in small talk on the Bridge as you once did. I have noted that you two disagree with each other more often than not as of late. All of these things suggest to me that your relationship has been suffering. As for the crew, when they see their Command Team suffering, they begin to gossip. Their overall mood drops as well.”

Kathryn sighed and rested her forehead in one of her hands. “Alright fine. Chakotay and I have been having trouble lately. We haven’t been getting along since the clusterfuck with the Equinox. Hell, we’ve been out of sync with each other for probably over a year now.” She pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Captain, I am going to ask you a difficult question. I understand that it may offend you, and for that I apologize, however I feel it necessary to ask. What are your personal feelings towards Commander Chakotay?”

She laughed indignantly. “I fail to see how this is necessary, Tuvok.” 

“I believe that the Commander is in love with you.” Tuvok stated plainly. “Many of the crew have been discussing it since—”

Kathryn cut him off. “I know about the rumors. In fact, Chakotay and I both know about the rumors.” She sighed. “If you must know, I regard Chakotay very highly. He’s gone above and beyond in helping me to get this ship home. I highly doubt that I could’ve gotten this far without him. On a more personal level, he is a very close friend. Or, was a very close friend, I guess. I don’t quite know where we are right now. And there was a time that…I thought that… it all felt so right for one fleeting moment and then it was gone. I don’t see how he could possibly be in love with me at this point. Not after what he’s seen me do recently. Not after what I’ve done to him.”

Except Kathryn did know. She knew even though she didn’t want to acknowledge it. She’d known since the Angry Warrior speech. She’d known that even in their distance, the ancient legend still rang true. The candle lit dinners, him staying late in her quarters just to talk about the pressure they were both feeling. Perhaps most glaringly was the way he looked at her and the gentleness and care with which he uttered her name. Kathryn had known about her own feelings for quite some time as well. She kept them locked safely away so as not to let them hurt her. Look where that let, she thought briefly, I ended up getting hurt.

“I have learned through many of my human friends and acquaintances that love is oftentimes difficult. However, it appears to me as though Commander Chakotay’s love for you is unwavering. Damaged, potentially, but still there.” Tuvok raised an eyebrow. “And your love for him is the same.”

“What if I don’t see it?” She whispered. “What if I don’t want to see it?”

“Whether or not you want to see it, it is there. You cannot change what either of you feels for the other, Captain. It is not a desirable experience by any means, but it is one that you are having nonetheless.”

“Why are you doing this, Tuvok?” Kathryn regarded her friend. “Ship-wide efficiency can’t be your only concern. I’ve seen the recent reports, and the overall efficiency hasn’t dropped more than two percent in the last two years.”

Tuvok looked at her with a barely there expression that Kathryn had long since figured out was something akin to care or sympathy. “Because I am…concerned not only for my Captain, I am equally concerned about the wellbeing of Kathryn. I understand that you must compartmentalize parts of who you are in order to consistently maintain the part of Captain, and I have the utmost respect for that sacrifice. Yet, I realize that in doing so, you are also sacrificing your mental wellbeing. It is unwise for you to continue doing so when there is someone with whom you can share an efficient professional life, as well as a beneficial private life with. I do not believe that pursuing a deeper relationship with the Commander will in any way jeopardize both of your professional performances. I believe that you will both continue to succeed at making the decisions necessary of your respective positions.”

Kathryn felt tears welling in her eyes and she moved to brush them away. “Thank you, my friend. You continue to be a much valued source of advice and aid. I am very grateful that you are here with me. I don’t think I could’ve gotten this far without you, either.”

“Your sentiment is not only appreciated, but reciprocated, Captain.”

She took a deep breath, stood up, and walked to stand next to Tuvok. She gave a small smile, then gestured to the door of her ready room. They stepped onto the Bridge and took their respective positions, both settling easily back into a professional demeanor. 

“Chakotay,” Kathryn said quietly.

He looked at her. “Yes, Captain?”

“Do you have dinner plans? We’re long overdue for our weekly meal, and there are some things I’d like to discuss with you.” 

“I’d like that.” A smile appeared on his face. “Who’s week is it?”

“I’m not sure,” She let out a small laugh, “Let’s just say it’s mine. 1900 hours?”

“Deal.”


End file.
